Earth Prime: 2716

My name is Jonathan Smith. I am a thief. I know, I know. With genetic engineering and parents practically ordering their babies out of a catalogue, you'd think that they would be able to weed out all the bad genes. Most times they do. I guess in my case they made a mistake. Maybe someone was asleep at the switch. Once they figured out I was not 'normal', it was too late.

During my early years I learned to hide it pretty good. Then I was old enough to leave home and give it a go on my own. One thing I learned was how to fend for myself. Without a job that meant stealing. I learned early, by watching another thief at work. He got tired of having me being his shadow and decided to become my teacher. He taught me all he knew. Unfortunately he did not know all that much. But it was a start. I quickly learned all he had to teach me. I was a better thief better than he, and went off on my own. Which was right in time, as he got caught a few days later.

There are still a few so-called misfits around. Most of us are thieves. We ply our trade among the Settled Worlds. We should be on the Endangered Species List. The authorities are trying their best to track us down and do what they call 'Psychological Behavioral Adjustment'. I call it 'Brain-Drain'. I have seen it happen to one thief that was unlucky enough to get caught. What came out was not the same person that went in. It is not a pretty sight.

As I said, I am a thief and a pretty good one too. I specialize in banks. Especially Corporate banks. They are the ones that have the common man's neck under their feet. Now don't get me wrong. I am not a Robin Hood kind of guy; if you remember him from your childhood fairy tales. I steal from the rich, and keep every penny of it. Until I spend it. Put it like this. I am on a semi-permanent vacation. When the money runs low I go back to work to finance the next stage of my vacation.

Which brings me to Earth Prime. I hadn't been back here in quite a few years. There were a lot of worlds to finance my vacation. The bank I had targeted had not had any kind of thefts in their history. They were ripe for a hit. It was easy. Pathetically easy. A synth-mask and wig, retinal contact lenses, false laser fingertip prints, a limp and a cane and I was ready to go rob a bank. None of that bang-bang stuff. I am sophisticated. Also I hate the loud noises.

I walked into that bank as one of its Directors with a counterfeit draft for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. That is the maximum amount a Director can withdraw without alarms and bells going off. I was Mr. Thaddeus Simpson.

I stood at the door and waited for my due. Very quickly a bank toadie appeared.

"Mr. Simpson, good afternoon Sir. We were not told that you would be visiting today. How may we be of assistance?"

I glanced at the nameplate on his suit. His name was Robinson. I'm glad the nameplate was there, as he seemed to know me and I didn't know him.

"I am not in the habit of announcing my itinerary Robinson. You should know that by now." I replied as snobbishly as I could. "Also I do not 'visit', as you so quaintly put it. I am here on business. So please be so kind to escort me. I wish to withdraw a sum of money from my account."

"Yes Sir, immediately Sir. Please follow me. We will expedite your transaction as fast as we can."

With that he turned and started walking off. After he had gone a few steps I gave a quiet cough and when he turned around, I tapped my cane on the floor, reminding him that I needed it and could not walk fast. He reddened in the face but to give him credit, he did not say anything, just slowed his pace and let me keep up with him. He led me to an office and introduced me to the occupant of it.

"Mr. Simpson, this is Mrs. Keyhole. She will be assisting you. She was not here when you last vis…er, came to our bank." I simply stared at him, saying nothing.

"Yes, I will leave you now. I will have refreshments prepared in case they are wanted.

"Thank you Mr. Robinson. That will be fine." Her voice sounded as pleasant to hear as she was to look at. She was young for her position at the bank. Or I should say, young looking, because even though she looked no older than twenty-five, she could have been fifty-five or even seventy-five. Thanks to genetic engineering.

"Welcome Mr. Simpson. How may I be of service, and won't you please sit down?"

I sat and reached in my pocket and withdrew my wallet and took out the check. I placed it on her desk and with one finger shoved it across to her. She looked at it and only raised one eyebrow when she saw the amount on it. I prepared myself to be bombarded with questions.

"Yes. What denominations would you like Sir?"

"Hundreds would do fine please."

"Yes Sir."

She placed the check in her desk scanner and tapped a few buttons. I knew the routine. First would be the scan of the check to ensure that it was legitimate. Recessed into her desk was a bank of lights. If all of them did not turn green then I was going to be neck deep in trouble. Next would be to check if the funds were available in the account. Then a fingerprint check, which I had provided when I pushed the check across the desk to her. This had served two purposes. I had placed my finger on a certain spot on the check to put my print. No other place on the check would hold my print. I had also at the same time followed the bank's procedures, which were changed every month.

Mrs. Keyhole glanced down at her screen and smiled. I almost relaxed to see it, but decided not to. I still had not gotten the money and gotten it out of the bank. My heart started racing as she reached under her desk and pressed a button. Before I could react to that a side door opened and a man entered carrying a tray of refreshments. I glanced at it then turned to her.

"If this is some kind of joke I am not amused. If you don't know, and you should, I drink only bottled water when I am not in residence."

She only nodded her head and he turned and left. He returned with a tray on which stood a chilled bottle of water and a sealed glass. 'My' preferred beverage and the way I like it. Both unopened. He placed it on the table beside me and left.

"My apologies Sir. Another security measure that was put in place recently. A personal check so to speak. You should have been informed of it."

"I have been off-world for a time and only recently returned. I have not yet been to my offices. The notification should be there."

"Yes Sir. Again, my apologies.

She didn't look very apologetic, though she did press another control button on her desk.

"Your funds will be brought in shortly. Is there any other way we may be of assistance to you?"

Looking at her I wondered how far she'd go to please a Director of the bank. Someone she'd never seen before and only knew by name and reputation. I glanced at my watch.

"No thank you. This will take care of all business I have for you at this time. I would appreciate your getting it done as…"

At that moment the side door opened and the man that had earlier brought the water entered carrying a briefcase. He placed it in front of Mrs. Keyhole and left. She opened it, raised the lid and turned it toward me. I pretended that I had done this many times and was not impressed. I was tempted to give a yawn but thought that might be a bit too much. Instead I simply nodded. She closed the case. We both knew that there was no need to count it. It had been counted many times, by humans and machines before being placed in the briefcase. Then after it was placed inside, it was weighed and sealed. Her fingers on the locks had unsealed it. She stood and handed the case to me. I stood and took it.

"Thank you for your assistance in this matter Mrs. Keyhole."

"You are quite welcome sir. Have a good day."

She pressed a button and Robinson opened the outer door to her office to escort me back out. I was still their responsibility until I stepped outside. Or I should say the money was still their responsibility until I stepped outside. I nodded to Mrs. Keyhole and walked out of her office.

I followed Robinson to the door and said goodbye to him as he closed it. I had a briefcase full of money. As I said, it was easy.

So how did I get caught? Well, that was real easy too. I was on a tight schedule. I needed to be at the Spaceport to catch a ship launching for Mars Prime in less than four hours.

Out of the bank I went. Around the corner to a computerized clothing shop. In a fitting room I ditched the disguise, the clothes, and cane and walked out a different man. The one thing I did take time for was to re-band the money so it showed that it came from a different bank. Now what came next was pure genius, even if I have to say so myself.

I calmly walked back to the bank and entered. I stood at the door for a moment looking around. No Mr. Robinson to greet me. Oh well. I walked up to a teller's booth. This bank prided itself on using humans for employees instead of androids. Although you certainly couldn't tell the difference between them just by looking.

"Good afternoon Sir. May I help you?"

"Yes, I'd like to make a deposit to my account please. I have just completed a big deal and I don't want to be carrying around a large amount of money. I don't think my boss would like it if something happened to it."

"No Sir, I guess he wouldn't. May I have your account number please?"

I handed over my account card and she slipped it into her scanner and brought the account up.

"How much will you be depositing Sir?"

"Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars."

I placed the briefcase on the counter and opened it, turning it to face her. She showed no reaction to such a large sum of money. She pulled it across to her and pressed a button. A young lady came up and carried it away.

"It will take a few minutes for it to be counted Sir. Would you care to wait in the lobby?"

"No thank you. I will wait here. I'm sure it won't take too long."

It seemed to be an hour but was only about five minutes before I heard a bell ding from her console. She smiled at me and then pressed a button.

"Your account has been credited with two hundred and fifty thousand dollars Sir. Here is your receipt. Is there anything else we can help you with?"

"No thank you, you have been helpful enough. Have a good day."

"Thank you Sir, and you have a good day also."

I turned around and walked to the front door. When I got outside I had a huge smile on my face. I had done it. Stolen two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. One reason I was smiling was that as soon as the last button had been pushed, a hidden code had opened up in that account. That money disappeared out of that account as fast as it was put in. It was already in a bank on Mars Prime waiting for me. The smile didn't last long as I turned from closing the door and found myself facing a Police android.

"You are under arrest for bank robbery. Do not resist."

As it already held a stunner on me, there was no way that I was going to do anything but what it said. It told me to hold out my hands and when I did it placed a pair of 'come-alongs' on my wrist. It then turned and walked to the nearest Police Station. I had no choice but to go with it. The cuffs were keyed to it. Where it went, the cuffs went, and since I was wearing the cuffs, well, no sense in belaboring a point. You get the idea.

To make a long story short, I was arrested and read my rights. I was taken straight to jail. How did they get on to me? Well, you have to remember that I was in a big hurry. I forgot to take the money from the briefcase they gave me and put it in another one. You got it. Somehow something didn't check out. Who knows? I certainly don't. All I know is that as soon as I was booked into the Police Station I was led into a courtroom being tried for bank robbery.

I stood in the courtroom. Alone. There was no jury, Prosecutor, Defense Attorney, or even spectators. There was a Bailiff and a Judge. The only problem I had with that was that the Bailiff and the Judge were computers. Highly sophisticated A.I. computers, granted, but still, they were computers. I much preferred having people to deal with. They were much easier to confuse. With machines, you had to be very, very careful.

The Bailiff computer said to me, "Please raise your right hand, and repeat this phrase, "I, Michael William Jones, do swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

I solemnly raised my right hand and with as much honesty and sincerity as I could muster said, " I, Michael William Jones..."

"Beep."

"Michael William Jones is not your legal name. Please prepare for a retinal scan. If you have any lenses in your eyes remove them now. Failure to do so could prove to be painful." Painful my butt, I thought. These lenses were the best in the business. The best that money could buy. Guaranteed to pass any kind of retinal scan.

"Eeeeyoow!!! Hot damn! Wait a minute! I forgot I had these lenses in for protection against UV radiation."

"Beep."

"That is not the truth. Analysis indicates that these lenses have false retinal identification encoded. Please remove them now."

"Really? No wonder I had such trouble focusing. They gave me the wrong lenses."

"Beep"

"That is not the truth. Please repeat the oath. This time using your legal name."

"I, Jonathan Smith, ok?... do swear to tell the truth..."

"Beep."

"That is not the truth. Analysis indicates intentions to lie."

Well, I thought. I may be stuck with telling the truth, how are they going to know if I tell all the truth?

"I, Jonathan Smith, do swear to tell the truth.... the whole truth..."

"Beep."

"That is not the truth. Analysis indicates the intention of not telling the whole truth."

By this time, I'm getting a bit tired of that damned beep. Okay, they got my real name out of me. I guess I have got to tell the truth, the whole truth, but how are they going to tell if I add a little something to that truth?

"I, Jonathan Smith, do swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"Beep."

"That is not the truth. Analysis indicates still an intention to deceive. Please remember Mr. Smith, that will be impossible. Proceed."

I stood there fuming. They had me coming and going. I couldn't figure a way of getting around them. I knew that if I told the truth, I would condemn myself. I ran all kinds of scenarios through my brain, trying to come up with something. I came up with nothing. Zilch. At light-speed. I knew that what would come out of my mouth would lead straight to the Ice-House, what they called the Cryogenics Prison, or the PBA docs. But what choice did I have?

"I, Jonathan Smith, do swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"Mr. Smith, you are accused of stealing fifty thousand dollars from the State Bank, located at Twelfth Street and Fifth Avenue in the city of New York on Earth prime on the morning of 12 August 2035. How do you plead?"

"Innocent. I most certainly did not steal fifty thousand dollars from any bank!" This was said with every bit of truthfulness in my body.

"Stand by."

With that the machine began humming to itself. I guess it was going through all the evidence and the analysis of everything I had said and how I said it.

"Mr. Smith, it seems that an error has been made. Analysis indicates that you are being completely honest, and that you are innocent of the crime you are accused of. You are free to leave with our apologies."

I walked out of there as quickly as I could without breaking into a trot. Instead of going to my hotel, I headed straight to the spaceport. In less that forty minutes I was standing at the top of a boarding ramp to a ship destined for Mars Prime. I had just handed my ticket to the Steward when the sounds of sirens blared through the spaceport and three police cars screeched to a stop at the base of the ship. Three policemen, one of high rank stepped out. They stalked to the boarding ramp.

"Halt! That man is under arrest!"

The Steward looked at me with a puzzled look on his face. He turned back to the policemen.

"I don't see any cuffs on him. If he is under arrest, why is he up here and you down there?"

The top cop got red in the face. He placed a foot on the boarding ramp as if he were going to come up and arrest me himself.

"He will be under arrest. He is wanted for bank robbery. We want him, and we want him now!"

I think that if the cop had any chance of getting his hands on me that he blew it with that statement. The Steward turned again to look at me.

"It seems as if these gentlemen request the pleasure of your company. Do you wish to accompany them?"

"Uh, why, no, I don't. I am quite satisfied where I am, thank you."

He turned back to the cops. As he did I saw him press a red button by the hatch opening. I heard the sound of machinery working above my head and looked up. I saw that in various places in the hull of the ship some kind of ports had opened. They looked very much like gunports. I know the cops had not noticed. Armed ships were not allowed on Earth prime. They had to stay in orbit. I certainly wasn't going to be the one to bring that fact up though.

"I'm afraid that the gentleman does not wish to go with you. Now, if you please, this ship has a lift timetable to meet. You, your men, and vehicles need to move back beyond the safety circle. You all will be in danger from our engines when we lift."

"You will turn him over to us or we will board your ship and take him!"

"Oh really? And will you be the man that goes down in history as the idiot that declared war on Mars Prime?"

"War? What are you talking about? This is a simple arrest. No one said anything about war. Hand him over and we'll be on our way."

"You'll go away without him. Either on your own or when we lift ship. And we will lift, with all of our passengers. You should know that under Mars charter this ship is considered a part of Mars Prime, just as our Embassies are. If you take one more step on that boarding ramp I will take it as an act of war and respond accordingly."

That cop looked down at his foot that was still on the boarding ramp and removed it very quickly. He stood there glaring at me or the Steward or both. I couldn't resist. I smiled at him and waved bye-bye. He got even redder in the face and stomped off to his car, followed by the other two. They got in and drove off until they were beyond the painted lines that signified the proper distance for safety. That was the last I saw of them.

The Steward turned to me and told me to get to my cabin. The ship was going to be lifting off and I did not want to be wandering around when it did. Before I left him I thanked him. He just smiled and told me that I'd better hurry.

Hurry I did. Just as I got to my cabin and strapped myself into the acceleration couch the alarm sounded and the ship lifted off to space and straight to Mars Prime. Before reaching Mars Prime, I read a news report about a bank robber the Earth Prime Authorities were looking for. It seemed they had him in custody and gave him a trial.

After a bit of foolishness about telling the truth they released him because it appeared he had told the truth. Now they were searching for him again. When he denied that he had robbed the bank of fifty thousand dollars, he had told the truth. He had not robbed the bank of fifty thousand dollars. He had robbed the bank of two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. A clerical error had entered the wrong amount into the computers. As such, he was allowed to go free and the authorities were now looking for him because he could be tried again. If they could find him.

After reading that news story I settled back in my seat for the ride to Mars Prime, looking forward to spending all that cash, before having to go to work again. I figured it would take a while.

The End