The Green Hills of Altair
by Mark Reeder
In the year 2244 Galactic, the Green Battalion established a settlement known as the Amish Colony on Altair 3. Managed with ecological awareness and environmental harmony, the Amish Colony was considered the model for the Green Battalion's Back to Basics Colonial Plan. Terran settlers swore to eschew 23rd century living and farming methods in favor of 18th century Amish methods. The objective was to integrate the Colony into Altair 3's environment with a minimum of interference with the planet's ecology. Furthermore, the introduction of any new species must prove helpful to the settlement's growth but not disastrous to the indigenous life forms of Altair 3.
Professor Roone D. Bend,
Sysop
GalacticNet History Vol 213.16
history@galacticnet.univ.altair.edu
From: lfast@galacticnet.altair.col.adm.gov
Date: Tue 7 Nov 2245
X-Disclaimer: galacticnet is a government access system run by the Terran Government. The Government has neither control over nor responsibility for the opinions or correct identity of users.
Subject: Corn Borer Menace
To: General Erasmus B. Kovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
X-Mailer: WHAMBAM
General E. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
General,
As you know, the Green Battalion's Amish Colony was established on Altair 3, Galactic 06:4/12:2244 with the objective of integrating harmoniously into the Altarian ecology-- horse power in lieu of fossil fuels or hydrogen fuel cells, natural fertilizers to enhance crop yield, and benevolent counter measures to inhibit harmful insects and blights from destroying crops.
Currently we have an insect problem which defies the Colony's limited resources to act in accordance with the Green Battalion's directive. A common Altarian insect, much like the Terran Corn Borer Beetle, has developed an inordinate appetite for Earth grains. Apparently the high chlorophyll content of Earth's corn and wheat acts as a stimulant causing the Altarian Corn Borers to gorge non-stop. The situation is becoming desperate. Colonists are grumbling. Request immediate aid. I am sending Barth Labs specimens and all relevant data we have been able to gather.
Loudon Fast
Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
P.S. General, ask Sid in Bio to whip up one of his miracles. Thanks
From: ekovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
Date: Mon 22 Jan 2246
X-Disclaimer: The Government has neither control nor responsibility.
Subject: Corn Borer Menace
To: Loudon Fast@GalacticNet.altair.col.adm.gov
X-Mailer: Thanxmam
L. Fast
Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
Loudon,
Colony Ship Mayflower will be arriving in your sector in time for spring planting with Incunomen Wasp from the rain forests of Sestus IV. Incunomen Wasps sting Corn Borer Beetles and use them as food for their larvae emerging from eggs. The Wasps will not survive the winter on Altair 3 but will live long enough check Corn Borer infestation during growing season.
Sid sends his regards. Says not to worry.
General Erasmus B. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
From: lfast@galacticnet.altair.col.adm.gov
Date: Fri Apr 7 2247
X-Disclaimer: The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Subject: Incunomen Fly
To: General Erasmus B. Kovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
X-Mailer: TOTO
General E. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
General,
The Incunomen Wasp seems to have adapted very well to the harsh winter climate on Altair. In fact, the Sestus IV Wasp is now swarming in early spring seeking suitable food for its larvae. Other native insects benevolent to cross fertilization process of native and terran food crops are endangered. Moreover, the colonists cannot enter their fields without protective gear for themselves and horses. No one is able to enjoy the beautiful spring weather here on Altair and militant farmer groups are contemplating Malathion mayhem if problem is not eliminated quickly.
General, PLEASE tell Sid to be more careful.
L. Fast
Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
From: ekovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
Date: Sat 2 May 9 2247
X-Disclaimer: Not responsible for lost items.
Subject: Malathion Mayhem
To: Loudon Fast@GalacticNet.altair.col.adm.gov
X-Mailer: PHLEGM
L. Fast
Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
Loudon,
Halt all vigilante action on Altair 3. The StarCruiser Rio De Janeiro is arriving at Altair 3 in two days with the Denebian Cane Toad. Lab tests at Barth Testing station in the Magellan Asteroids demonstrated that mutated Cane Toads feed exclusively on Incunomen Wasps and their larvae. (Sid says they're like a politician in a pork barrel. They eat their weight daily in larvae and flies.) Hang in there Loudon. The BioTech Marines are on their way.
Wish I could visit Altair for the Spring Planting Festival. I have read your reports on the beautiful night skies during the spring. Maybe next year.
General E. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
From: lfast@galacticnet.altair.col.adm.gov
Date: Mon 4 Jul 2247
X-Disclaimer: GalacticNet is; accept no substitutes.
Subject: Denebian Cane Toads
To: General Erasmus B. Kovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
X-Mailer: BAMBAM
General E. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
General,
Happy fourth of July, Rasty. The fireworks here are spectacular. Even the daylight sky is a brilliant montage of magentas, Neptune blues, Mars Reds and Earth Greens. The world sure seems a lot rosier with the cane toads around. Some demented farmers insist on being spoil sports, though. Claim toads give off hallucinogenic substance. Ha! Ha! Say farm animals affected too. Hee! Hee! Hee! Plow horses won't work, just caper madly about. Why not it's time they had some fun too.
SHZAAAM! I'M CAPTAIN MARVEL!
Humans are not affected so I don't see any need for all the fuss. Posh and Piddle. We're doing just fine. Can't see why they insist on hunting these fabulously fruitful frogs to extinction. A kiss to Sid and the gang in Bio. Drop a line sometime.
Don't let your ether net ;-).
L. Fast
Governor-- Moonglow Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
From: ekovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
Date: Tue 5 Jul 2247
X-Disclaimer: We're from the government and we're here to help you.
Subject: Cane Toad Recall
To: Loudon Fast@GalacticNet.altair.col.adm.gov
X-Mailer: FLOTSAM
L. Fast
Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
LOUDON,
YOU ARE HEREBY ORDERED HOME IMMEDIATELY.
Your replacement is arriving in one week with Miran Shooter Fish from Sirius 5. Shooter Fish eat the tadpoles of Cane Toads and hunt the toads themselves by paralyzing prey with venomous spit shot through the water surface. Orders to stock all fresh water lakes, ponds and streams.
General E. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
From: wdeald@galacticnet.altair.col.adm.gov
Date: Wed 22 Feb 2248
X-Disclaimer: Throw all politicians off a cliff and let God sort them out.
Subject: Miran Shooter Fish
To: General Erasmus B. Kovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
X-Mailer: SPAM
General E. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
General Kovrd,
The Miran Shooter Fish are quickly running out of Cane Toads which have no natural defenses to the fish. Even now the fish are attacking Altair's native fresh water shrimp which provide a substantial portion of the edible protein on Altair 3. The Shooter Fish are also extremely toxic to humans and they are inedible.
We need immediate help desperately. It looks like we'll have to import food from Earth for the Colony if we don't have an answer soon to this dilemma.
Take care, Sir. And do what you can quickly. Please.
Weald. N. Deald
Acting Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
From: ekovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
Date: Sat Mar 9 2248
X-Disclaimer: Access denied without proper authorization forms filled out in triplicate. Access denied without proper authorization forms filled out in triplicate. Access denied without proper authorization forms filled out in triplicate.
Subject: Miran Shooter fish
To: Weald N. Deald@GalacticNet.altair.col.adm.gov
X-Mailer: FLOPSY
To: W. N. Deald
Acting Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
Governor Deald,
Sid reports that Barth Labs has discovered that Arcturan Water Spiders are immune to Miran Shooter Fish poison. The spiders trap fish near surface and then take them to their nests. A Shipment of spiders is immediate.
Governor Deald, the Green Battalion is counting on you to hold the Colonists together. Why don't you hold a Fall Harvest Holiday to boost morale of the Colonists. Earth will ship food if its necessary. But let the colonists have some fun too.
General E. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
From: wdeald@galacticnet.altair.col.adm.gov
Date: Thu Oct 7 2248
X-Disclaimer: I promise I'll be right back in ten minutes.
Subject: Arcturan Water Spiders
To: General Erasmus B. Kovrd@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
X-Mailer: MOPSY
General E. Kovrd
Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
General,
WE HAD TO CANCEL FALL HARVEST HOLIDAYS.
EXPLAIN TO THAT NUMBWIT, SID, THAT ARCTURAN WATER SPIDERS ALSO NEST ON LAND! THEIR STINGS ARE EXTREMELY PAINFUL TO ADULTS AND DEADLY TO YOUNG CHILDREN AND SMALL PETS. THIS MAKES THE USE OF LAKES, PONDS, RIVERS AND STREAMS UNSAFE FOR ALL COLONISTS.
PLEASE ADVISE. AND TELL SID THIS IS HIS LAST CHANCE OR WE'LL FIND SOME ONE WITH SOME COMMON SENSE TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM!
W. N. Deald
Acting Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
From: ssnags@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
Sun Oct 28 2248
X-Disclaimer: Post No Bills In This Space.
Subject: Corn Borer Beetles
To: Weald N. Deald@GalacticNet.altair.col.adm.gov
X-Mailer: SPITOON
W. N. Deald
Acting Governor-- Amish Colony
Altair System/Altair 3
Governor Deald,
The Altarian Corn Borer Beetle's carapace is impervious to Arcturan Water Spiders. Planted near fresh water sources the beetles will feed upon the eggs of Arcturan Water Spiders. Barth Testing Labs is sending the only known Altarian Corn Borer beetles with the space freighter LLethwellyn. Should arrive in time for winter wheat planting.
Provost Marshal Seymour Snags
Acting Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
P.S. Sid's brother, Norm, says Corn Borers will do the trick.
From: wdeald@galacticnet.altair.col.adm.gov
Date: Wed 1 Apr 2249
X-Disclaimer: It's hard to spend a trillion dollars and get your money's worth.
Subject: Corn Borer Menace
To: Provost Marshal Seymour Snags@galacticnet.greenbattalion.ag.gov
X-Mailer: WHAM
Provost Marshall Seymour Snags
Acting Chief of Staff
Green Battalion
Department of Ecological Resources
Sol System/Earth
Provost Marshall,
The Altarian Corn Borer Beetle has developed an inordinate appetite for terran grains. Apparently the high chlorophyll content of Earth's corn and wheat acts as a stimulant causing the Altarian Corn Borers to gorge non-stop..........
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